Every day I wake up, I awake in a haze. I get up and just go through the motions. There is no meaning, nor reason to anything I do. I’m just alive. I just breathe. Nothing grabs my attention, nothing has any importance to me. I am blinded. Rationally I know that life can be great, it could be fulfilling. I search and search for distractions to take my attention away from my apathy. I don’t feel like a real person anymore. Just a hollow remnant. I don’t know what it means. I want to flee, run away. But I lack the courage needed. Every day life is so boring, mundane. I cannot understand how anyone can do it. I don’t want to be special or important or anything like that. I want freedom. The freedom to learn what I want, to move about as I please. I want to live relying on my wits. It seems as though I’m only capable of acting with my back to the wall. When the only option is action. I might get bored to death. Goddamn, I need to learn how to fake giving a fuck. I need to drink more whiskey.
